오늘도 어김없이 늘어난 뱃살과의 전쟁을 겪는다. 빼야지 빼야지 하면서도 돼야지, 꿀꿀 돼야지를 찾는 나를 보며 오늘만 맛있게 먹고 내일부터 제대로 빼자라고 다시 다짐해 보지만 내일이 되면 다시 오늘이 되고 그 다음 내일을 기약하길 반복한다.
다이어트에 좋다는 헬스음료도 사다 마시고 헬스클럽에 등록해 힘들게 땀을 빼 보지만 집에 오면 허기가 져서 더 먹게 된다. 턱선이 사라지고 배에 눌려 허리가 사라지기 직전인데 독하게 마음을 먹어도 오래 가지 않는다. 그래도 예전에는 몸도 나름 날렵하고 딱히 뚱뚱하다는 인식을 못 했는데 나이가 들면서 살이 붙는 게 보인다. 몸을 바꾸겠다고 도전을 해보지만 오래가지 않는 것이 가장 큰 문제
하지만 어느 순간 진짜 문제는 따로 있다는 걸 알았다, 몸의 체인지가 중요한게 아니라 정신의 체인지가 우선 되어야 한다는 걸 말이다. 다이어트는 몸과의 싸움이 아니라 내 자신, 내 정신과의 싸움이라는 걸 말이다. 몸을 바꾸기 위해 몸에 투자했건만 정작 몸을 바꾸기 위해서는 정신을 바꾸는 것이 선행되어야 하고 거기에 먼저 투자가 되야 한다는 걸 새삼 깨닫는다.
오늘 음악다방에서는 체인지와 관련해 투팍의 체인지를 선곡해 봤다. 예전에는 자주 듣던 노래인데 지금 다시 들어보니 여전하다, 명곡이다. 가사를 보면 자신, 환경을 바꾸려는 모습이 보이는데 마지막 가사가 오히려 울림이 크다, 바꾸려 해도 절대 바뀌어지지 않는 것들도 있다는 사실 말이다.
Come on come on
I see no changes wake up in the morning and I ask myself
Is life worth living should I blast myself?
I'm tired of bein' poor and even worse I'm black
My stomach hurts so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch
Cops give a damn about a negro
Pull the trigger kill a nigga he's a hero
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares
One less hungry mouth on the welfare
First ship 'em dope and let 'em deal the brothers
Give 'em guns step back watch 'em kill each other
It's time to fight back that's what Huey said
Two shots in the dark now Huey's dead
I got love for my brother but we can never go nowhere
Unless we share with each other
We gotta start makin' changes
Learn to see me as a brother instead of two distant strangers
And that's how it's supposed to be
How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me?
I'd love to go back to when we played as kids
But things changed, and that's the way it is
That's just the way it is
Things will never be the same
That's just the way it is
Aww yeah
That's just the way it is
Things will never be the same
That's just the way it is
Aww yeah
I see no changes all I see is racist faces
Misplaced hate makes disgrace to races
We under I wonder what it takes to make this
One better place, let's erase the wasted
Take the evil out the people they'll be acting right
'Cause both black and white is smokin' crack tonight
And only time we chill is when we kill each other
It takes skill to be real, time to heal each other
And although it seems heaven sent
We ain't ready, to see a black President, uhh
It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact
The penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks
But some things will never change
Try to show another way but you stayin' in the dope game
Now tell me what's a mother to do
Bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you
You gotta operate the easy way
"I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way
Sellin' crack to the kid. " I gotta get paid, "
Well hey, well that's the way it is
That's just the way it is
Things will never be the same
That's just the way it is
Aww yeah
That's just the way it is
Things will never be the same
That's just the way it is
Aww yeah
We gotta make a change
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
And let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
What we gotta do, to survive.
And still I see no changes can't a brother get a little peace
It's war on the streets and the war in the Middle East
Instead of war on poverty they got a war on drugs
So the police can bother me
And I ain't never did a crime I ain't have to do
But now I'm back with the blacks givin' it back to you
Don't let 'em jack you up, back you up,
Crack you up and pimp smack you up
You gotta learn to hold ya own
They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone
But tell the cops they can't touch this
I don't trust this when they try to rush I bust this
That's the sound of my tool you say it ain't cool
My mama didn't raise no fool
And as long as I stay black I gotta stay strapped
And I never get to lay back
'Cause I always got to worry 'bout the pay backs
Some buck that I roughed up way back
Comin' back after all these years
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat that's the way it is uhh
That's just the way it is
Things will never be the same
That's just the way it is
Aww yeah
That's just the way it is
Things will never be the same
That's just the way it is
Aww yeah
Some things will never change
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